"Bottoms are beautiful, bottoms are powerful, bottoms are alchemists who magically transform suffering into sex, humiliation into desire, screams of pain into moans of pleasure." - Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy. The New Bottoming Book
Submission is a gift whereby the submissive gives his trust, his body, his mind, and his services, in whatever form they may take, to the Dominant. The sub makes himself vulnerable and raw, even if for a temporary period, in front of the Mistress by revealing his fantasies and desires, which are windows to his complex nature, his soul. BDSM enables us to explore the redistribution of power and control. The reality of this dynamic between two or more persons is that power is exchanged and equally shared by all involved--sub and Mistress. Therefore, the submissive is also a powerful player, a self-actualized individual who knows and understands his sexual preferences and requires his Dominant half to fulfill his needs, which are just as strong and valid as those of the Mistress. This essay will seek to explain not how one submits, but WHY one submits, and how to be an empowered submissive.
Knowing how you like to submit is not nearly as important as WHY you like to submit. That question can only be answered by you, the submissive, who is reading this essay either out of curiosity or because you wish to understand yourself more deeply.
The reasons for submission varies from individual to individual. Some exercise submission as a way to relinquish control, perhaps the most widely listed reason from My years of training slaves. The sub gives up control and loses all sense of burdensome self-awareness by shining a spotlight on himself in front of the Mistress. He desires to be controlled, used, and objectified so that he can shed his real-world identity and assume a simplified form, a more clarified state of mind, a liberation from oneself.
For others, submission is a means by which to demonstrate selfless service to another in an entirely altruistic manner. This form of submission is the closest one to resemble love in that the sub truly wants what is best for the Dominant's well being and happiness. He aims to provide it to the best of his abilities without any expectation of reciprocation. If the Mistress is happy--even if Her happiness is not directed at him, then he is fulfilled. This form of submission is giving in nature, nearly unconditional, and is only practiced with the intention of promoting the Dominant's enjoyment even if it has little to do with his own fantasies and desires.
Submission can also possess healing properties and empowerment through conquering one's fears. When you submit in an intense BDSM scene, especially one that involves your endurement of physical or psychological pain, then you MUST learn to LET GO. What does this mean on a grander scale? To submit on this level means you need to let go of whatever it is that you are holding onto--self doubts, fear of pain, fear of the unknown, fear of distrust, fear of being hurt by someone who cares not for your wellbeing, fear of what you might discover about yourself, etc--and brace yourself for whatever comes your way. This builds the courage to live outside your comfort zone. You are still afraid but you welcome the uncertainty because you need to endure it not only for the Mistress, but for your own growth. By giving in to that which you fear the most and reemerging on the other side, you become stronger as you discover your real limits and potential. This is why submission does not come from a place of weakness and cowardice, but of courage and strength. It is easy for Me, a sadist at times, to inflict pain for My enjoyment....but it requires monumental bravery for a sub to endure My most extreme methods. It is always easier to torture someone than to be tortured.
The mind of the submissive can be vastly complex in its contradictions. The simultaneous desire to be abused and appreciated, liberated and oppressed, hurt and healed, all naturally occur, all at once.
If this essay struck a chord with you and you wish to realize your submissive fantasies, then it is within your right to seek a TOP whose dominant tendencies align with your needs. If you need to serve, to surrender, to be used, to be sissified, to be whipped, to be humiliated, then you owe it to yourself to ONLY give this gift of submission to the most worthy Dominant--one who truly enjoys the other half of the fantasy and understands your mind naturally and intuitively. Do not PAY a Dominatrix to fulfill your desires, TRIBUTE a Mistress for Her talent and skill set, and for her bold presence in the public sphere so that you were able to find her in the first place. I Myself know exactly how I like to train a slave, but if My methods are not exactly what you are looking for then you have every right to seek a Dominant who CAN fulfill your needs.
A good Dominant is one who is skilled, empathetic, ethical, and unihibited--this applies to both Professional as well as lifestyle Mistresses. If those four ingredients are in place, then you as the submissive will have a solid foundation from which to communicate your needs as well as listen to Hers. A good sub has a clear idea of what he enjoys, what he needs, what his limits are, and what he is open to exploring so as to meet the Dominant's needs as well. The sub needs to see that the Dominant is taking pleasure in his training, otherwise it makes for a lifeless interaction. It is your time and your money, and thus you need to invest it with a Mistress who is passionate and truly takes pleasure in Her craft.
As you travel through your unique journey into submission and kink, the most important thing to remember is to first understand yourself before you invite someone else into your personal space to dominate you. If you are in the process of learning where your kinky desires lie, then make that known to the Dominant so that She can guide you at an appropriate pace. As you become more comfortable and confident in your submissive identity, I hope that you will reach orgasmic highs and humiliating lows... all with a devious smile on your perverted, hard-slapped, trampled little face.