I had the pleasure of interviewing razor-sharp minded, playfully charming, and wordsmith extraordinaire Lindsay Goldwert. Ms. Goldwert is a long-time finance and career writer, podcaster, & journalist who has written for publications including Fast Company, Slate, The Atlantic and many more. Her next big footprint to leave behind is a book she is writing for Simon & Schuster to be titled Bow Down: Lessons from Dominatrixes On How to Get Everything You Want. To my humbled surprise, Ms. Goldwert contacted me to request an in-person interview as part of her research. I shan't dive into what we discussed during our sunny afternoon at my New York apartment over the weekend but let's just say I was quite grateful to have met this incredibly intelligent and warm-hearted individual.
Without skipping a beat, I simply had to 'interview her back' so she can also tell me her story, her reasons for writing this book, and how she perceives the world of kink as a woman and a writer. And writers, as we know, sometimes look at the world from the other side of a glass wall, taking notes and observing the quirks of what we often pass off as 'normal'.
And so, without further ado...
1) Will you please tell me more about your latest research for your book on female domination and empowerment for women?
My book is called Bow Down: Lessons from Dominatrixes On How to Get Everything You Want. It's a guide for women who are looking to gain confidence, speak with authority, and communicate their hearts and minds both in and out of the bedroom. I've been interviewing amazing Dommes and kink-friendly sex therapists and really overwhelmed by the amazing insights and ways that the ethos of kink really does translate to everyday life.
Read moreFinancial Domination is that rare BDSM fantasy that, from the outside world of “vanilla heteronormativity”, is baffling to the mind; and from the point of view of the professional dominatrix, too good to be true. Throughout the years I have trained 'money slaves' of various breeds and it is only now that I feel I am experienced enough to deconstruct for you the mind of a financial submissive.
What is financial domination (FinDom)? First, I will clarify what is NOT financial domination: it is NOT an unethical exploitation of a male sub, it is NOT an easy way for women to advertise online as financial dominatrices as a get-rich-quick scheme by using men, it is NOT a woman who makes a career out of asking men to subsidize all her living expenses, it is NOT woman who only wants to be spoiled with money or gifts -- and nothing else -- from men (a financial dominatrix is not to be confused with a 'sugar baby'). A woman who falsely poses as a findom Mistress because she needs the money possesses zero power in this game.
My definition is as follows: Financial Domination is a sexually arousing GAME of power-play whereby psychological pleasure is experienced as a result of the humiliation from giving up one's monetary assets to another. The FinDom fantasy exists in predominantly MALE subs (there is very little evidence to suggest that women enjoy this type of power play). A financial dominatrix enjoys this game for the thrill of humiliating her money-slave, she does not need the money and she will say "no" to whomever displeases her--therein lies her power. There are 3 main reason why some subs enjoy financial domination: control, humiliation, and service.
Financial Domination is able to exist and (actually become a fetish or desire for some) because of certain Universal Rules of Life (UROL) for men, unchanged by feminism:
Read moreI had the pleasure and privilege of engaging in a most stimulating discussion with Paltego, the owner and operator of Femdom-Resource, an exceptionally informative website celebrating one intelligent man's journey in submission and his appreciation for the beauty and art of female domination. His is one of the best male-sub blogs online and I encourage all of you--tops and bottoms alike--to visit his domain. Clearly a labor of love (and hormones!), Femdom-Resource also houses a well-curated collection of Femdom art, photography, videos, erotic fiction, and more. A source for quality Femdom/male-sub content, Paltego created a platform from which to engage with kinksters and promote his favorite Mistresses and their blogs (I was humbled to find My "Mind of the Mistress" page on his list).
Paltego was kind enough to grant Me a written interview detailing his experiences as a sub, his analysis on the submissive mindset, and his experiences with some of the most preeminent professional Mistresses in the country. Our exchange was illuminating and thought-provoking, and I was moved to reexamine My own FemDom philosophy and how I present Myself to the world.
With Paltego's expressed permission, below are the insights and musings of a thinking, rational, and hopelessly submissive man (My favorite kind!):
1) How did you come to develop your submissive identity? And around what age?
Getting my current identity was a lengthy process. I grew up in a tiny English village in the 80’s, when the internet was still an academic/military curiosity. We didn’t even have a TV for a lot of my childhood, so it was very different to the information saturation we have today.
Read moreChastity Training is a fine art in the realm of Dominance and submission. The ability to control a man's primal urges for frequent sexual release poses as one of the more challenging disciplines of the Mistress and slave dynamic. A central focal point of his daily rhythm and distraction, the very thought of handing the keys of his virile vehicle over to a Mistress can be downright terrifying. The notion that a Woman should dictate the timing of his orgasms as well as when he may even have skin contact with his main member is not for the slave who merely wishes to dabble and dally. For most men, their modus operanti is the lifelong reliance upon self-gratification that often takes on the form of compulsive, less-than-satisfying, linear starts to finishes.
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