Interview with a Lifestyle BDSM Couple: MISTRESS K & SLAVE D

Throughout the years of my Mistress-hood, clients have repeatedly asked me: What is an actual lifestyle BDSM relationship? Some have asked out of curiosity, while others wondered if their sessions with me are the first steps toward leading a more full-time kinky life. For those who know me, I practice kink both in my professional and personal life, as it is who I am at the core.

But what if, my gentle readers, I can share with you a glimpse into the world of a lifestyle BDSM couple. UK-based Mistress K and her Slave D is an entrepreneurial dynamic duo that owns HouseOfDenial.com, a site dedicated to providing high-quality chastity devices to their clients around the world. We met via Zoom during this pandemic and I just couldn’t help picking their brain in the form of an interview.

Lethally charming, unabashedly silly, intellectually engaging, and just wholesomely perverted, Mistress K and Slave D are exactly the kind of kinksters who can offer what everyday BDSM should really be founded upon: realistic expectations, communication, self knowledge, growth, and mutual respect. Unsurprisingly, these are the age-old ingredients for any healthy relationship.

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Interview with SEA, a BDSM Educator and Lifestyle Submissive

In order to continuously advance my knowledge and craft as a Female Dominant, I attend numerous classes and workshops at BDSM conferences across the country and the globe. Last fall, I attended DomCon 2018 in New Orleans and it was there that I met Sea, a presenter at the convention. It was during Sea's class "The PhD to Understanding Submissives" that I was for the first time genuinely impressed by an educator's keen insight into the psychology of submission. Sea possessed a natural flair for teaching, an uncanny ability to present BDSM theories and ideas in a clear and concise manner, and of course he conducted his class with light humor and a humble demeanor. A lifestyle submissive with a wealth of experiences in serving Dominant Women for many years, and a presenter/educator at conferences across the country, I simply had to poke Sea's brain by requesting a written interview with him.

To learn more about Sea, visit his Felife page here.

And so, without further ado...

1) Why do you take pleasure in assuming the submissive role in the dance of power exchange? How does it make your feel? What is it about this exchange that motivates and elevates you?

I have been drawn to submission since my earliest memories. Mainstream films and stories that had female dominance appealed to me. I would watch or read them with great interest, and replay particular scenes through my mind. I often wanted to be in the shoes of those who were under the power of those women.

Simply put, I take pleasure in submission because it makes me feel good.

Sometimes that feeling is similar to the type of gratification you get when you express love for someone. Sometimes it is similar to the feeling of peace and purpose when you devote yourself to a cause. Sometimes it is the gratification of knowing you have done a job well. Sometimes it is an arousal--a sexual arousal, or a sense of wow in the mind.

I think submission brings me different types of gratification: spiritual (to devote self, to form connections, to achieve an altered, trance-like state of mind), social (to form social bonds, to love and be loved), masochistic (to feel gratification in being subordinate to a chosen person or suffer for or at hands of someone), and more.

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The Psychology of Financial Domination

Financial Domination is that rare BDSM fantasy that, from the outside world of “vanilla heteronormativity”, is baffling to the mind; and from the point of view of the professional dominatrix, too good to be true. Throughout the years I have trained 'money slaves' of various breeds and it is only now that I feel I am experienced enough to deconstruct for you the mind of a financial submissive. 

What is financial domination (FinDom)? First, I will clarify what is NOT financial domination: it is NOT an unethical exploitation of a male sub, it is NOT an easy way for women to advertise online as financial dominatrices as a get-rich-quick scheme by using men, it is NOT a woman who makes a career out of asking men to subsidize all her living expenses, it is NOT woman who only wants to be spoiled with money or gifts -- and nothing else -- from men (a financial dominatrix is not to be confused with a 'sugar baby'). A woman who falsely poses as a findom Mistress because she needs the money possesses zero power in this game. 

My definition is as follows: Financial Domination is a sexually arousing GAME of power-play whereby psychological pleasure is experienced as a result of the humiliation from giving up one's monetary assets to another. The FinDom fantasy exists in predominantly MALE subs (there is very little evidence to suggest that women enjoy this type of power play). A financial dominatrix enjoys this game for the thrill of humiliating her money-slave, she does not need the money and she will say "no" to whomever displeases her--therein lies her power. There are 3 main reason why some subs enjoy financial domination: control, humiliation, and service. 

Financial Domination is able to exist and (actually become a fetish or desire for some) because of certain Universal Rules of Life (UROL) for men, unchanged by feminism:

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Interview with a Conscious Submissive Male

I had the pleasure and privilege of engaging in a most stimulating discussion with Paltego, the owner and operator of Femdom-Resource, an exceptionally informative website celebrating one intelligent man's journey in submission and his appreciation for the beauty and art of female domination. His is one of the best male-sub blogs online and I encourage all of you--tops and bottoms alike--to visit his domain. Clearly a labor of love (and hormones!), Femdom-Resource also houses a well-curated collection of Femdom art, photography, videos, erotic fiction, and more. A source for quality Femdom/male-sub content, Paltego created a platform from which to engage with kinksters and promote his favorite Mistresses and their blogs (I was humbled to find My "Mind of the Mistress" page on his list). 

Paltego was kind enough to grant Me a written interview detailing his experiences as a sub, his analysis on the submissive mindset, and his experiences with some of the most preeminent professional Mistresses in the country. Our exchange was illuminating and thought-provoking, and I was moved to reexamine My own FemDom philosophy and how I present Myself to the world. 

With Paltego's expressed permission, below are the insights and musings of a thinking, rational, and hopelessly submissive man (My favorite kind!):

1) How did you come to develop your submissive identity? And around what age?

Getting my current identity was a lengthy process. I grew up in a tiny English village in the 80’s, when the internet was still an academic/military curiosity. We didn’t even have a TV for a lot of my childhood, so it was very different to the information saturation we have today.

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