Throughout the years of my Mistress-hood, clients have repeatedly asked me: What is an actual lifestyle BDSM relationship? Some have asked out of curiosity, while others wondered if their sessions with me are the first steps toward leading a more full-time kinky life. For those who know me, I practice kink both in my professional and personal life, as it is who I am at the core.
But what if, my gentle readers, I can share with you a glimpse into the world of a lifestyle BDSM couple. UK-based Mistress K and her Slave D is an entrepreneurial dynamic duo that owns HouseOfDenial.com, a site dedicated to providing high-quality chastity devices to their clients around the world. We met via Zoom during this pandemic and I just couldn’t help picking their brain in the form of an interview.
Lethally charming, unabashedly silly, intellectually engaging, and just wholesomely perverted, Mistress K and Slave D are exactly the kind of kinksters who can offer what everyday BDSM should really be founded upon: realistic expectations, communication, self knowledge, growth, and mutual respect. Unsurprisingly, these are the age-old ingredients for any healthy relationship.
Read moreBeing a disciplinarian, for Me, has always been one of the more fascinating means by which to correct or punish a slave's behavior. As a Mistress I employ various forms of physical and psychological training to re-educate and re-condition My subjects, however it is when a masochist kneels before Me that I feel a raw and nearly uninhibited sense of excitement as a human being. Even with the understanding that any such training is always consensual, the very act of inflicting pain on My slave's body and watching him writhe in agony gives Me a strangely primal sense of satisfaction. In fact, the more a slave cries out upon impact from My instrument of torture, the more I want to continue My path of darkness just so I can hear him scream and beg for mercy. The only thing that tempers My instinct to destroy the individual in front of me is My compassion in understanding his need to feel My control. It is in these moments of sadism that My thinking, reasoning self diminishes, and a beast--an animal--within Me emerges, perhaps telling Me a story about My innate human nature that is older than civilization.
Read moreSex is the most powerful of human drives. If there is a God, then this omnipotent being designed our bodies with the intention for us to fornicate furiously, regularly...but not equally between the sexes. The erotic energy instilled in mankind for it to survive belongs in between the legs of Women, a power that controls men and creates life. Whereas men dominate all other sectors of civilization, women dominate sex -- We can provide it, withhold it, or even require money in exchange for it. In the game of sex, men are unequal, outmatched, disadvantaged, and often left frustrated and financially drained with no release in sight. The privilege of being a woman -- a beautiful woman -- in the past and now, defines female supremacy. A beautiful woman is a commodity in this world, men want her and women want to be like her. Beauty is power. Beauty is idolized, fetishized, and glorified on screen and in advertising. We have a visual obsession with the female body, near scopophilia. The attainment of beauty has been an on-going goal for women since early girlhood. A woman's beauty grants her access to society, to men with resources, to places and events that accessorize itself with attractive females to attract more money. A beautiful woman can have any man of any socioeconomic status she wishes. Her sexuality equalizes her to men with more resources than her because the only thing men want just as much as wealth and power -- if not more -- is sexual gratification. Her beauty enables her to dominate men and women alike. She has sexual access to any man she desires, which in turn grants her economic access. By being beautiful, she has accomplished what average women spend hours trying to achieve everyday. By being beautiful without any effort, she embodies what men want, men who spend their whole entire lives working to acquire enough resources so that they can gain access to her, be worthy of her, entice her. There is no equality between men and beautiful women. Although men like to compete, they recognize that this is the most unfair game in life. She is at the top of the social food chain (but only for a short span of her lifetime). All beautiful women understands this. All beautiful women with a sliver of sympathy for men understands the privilege they enjoy.
Read moreDominance and submission are not unique to BDSM, it is deeply wired in our psychology as a species. Hierarchy is a natural human phenomenon. We are status-oriented, competitive, and we seek to feel important than and superior to others. No matter how many times we uphold the myth of "freedom and equality", we live in a world of social stratification, rich and poor, ruler and ruled whereby the majority submit to the will of the minority. Hierarchical structures exist in almost every organization -- military, government, corporations, religion, sports teams, families, etc. This alpha-omega model is necessary for us to live cooperatively (Thomas Hobbes asserted that it helps to promote internal order within communities), to make decisions so that it can be carried out efficiently, to ensure the survival of the group for the next generation. This primordial ranking behavior has defined us since the dawn of our race. The ubiquity of dominance and submission in our world is often seen in the form of competition. Charles Darwin noted that we are competitive over food, and, more importantly, over sex. One of the purposes of establishing hierarchy is so that those who land at the top of the pecking order will gain the sexual favors of the opposite sex, typically between males for access to females. Coming out ahead is a display of one's genetic endowments, AKA ideal sperm donor. Yesterday's muscles and hunting skills are replaced by today's cars and bank accounts. People need to know where they stand and who has the power, who is the best, who has the most resources. In other words, who is superior and who is inferior, who gets to mate (and live), and whose genes must die with the generation.
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