Interview with Journalist/Author Lindsay Goldwert

I had the pleasure of interviewing razor-sharp minded, playfully charming, and wordsmith extraordinaire Lindsay Goldwert. Ms. Goldwert is a long-time finance and career writer, podcaster, & journalist who has written for publications including Fast Company, Slate, The Atlantic and many more. Her next big footprint to leave behind is a book she is writing for Simon & Schuster to be titled Bow Down: Lessons from Dominatrixes On How to Get Everything You Want. To my humbled surprise, Ms. Goldwert contacted me to request an in-person interview as part of her research. I shan't dive into what we discussed during our sunny afternoon at my New York apartment over the weekend but let's just say I was quite grateful to have met this incredibly intelligent and warm-hearted individual. 

Without skipping a beat, I simply had to 'interview her back' so she can also tell me her story, her reasons for writing this book, and how she perceives the world of kink as a woman and a writer. And writers, as we know, sometimes look at the world from the other side of a glass wall, taking notes and observing the quirks of what we often pass off as 'normal'.

And so, without further ado...

1) Will you please tell me more about your latest research for your book on female domination and empowerment for women? 

My book is called Bow Down: Lessons from Dominatrixes On How to Get Everything You Want. It's a guide for women who are looking to gain confidence, speak with authority, and communicate their hearts and minds both in and out of the bedroom. I've been interviewing amazing Dommes and kink-friendly sex therapists and really overwhelmed by the amazing insights and ways that the ethos of kink really does translate to everyday life.

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The Psychology of Financial Domination

Financial Domination is that rare BDSM fantasy that, from the outside world of “vanilla heteronormativity”, is baffling to the mind; and from the point of view of the professional dominatrix, too good to be true. Throughout the years I have trained 'money slaves' of various breeds and it is only now that I feel I am experienced enough to deconstruct for you the mind of a financial submissive. 

What is financial domination (FinDom)? First, I will clarify what is NOT financial domination: it is NOT an unethical exploitation of a male sub, it is NOT an easy way for women to advertise online as financial dominatrices as a get-rich-quick scheme by using men, it is NOT a woman who makes a career out of asking men to subsidize all her living expenses, it is NOT woman who only wants to be spoiled with money or gifts -- and nothing else -- from men (a financial dominatrix is not to be confused with a 'sugar baby'). A woman who falsely poses as a findom Mistress because she needs the money possesses zero power in this game. 

My definition is as follows: Financial Domination is a sexually arousing GAME of power-play whereby psychological pleasure is experienced as a result of the humiliation from giving up one's monetary assets to another. The FinDom fantasy exists in predominantly MALE subs (there is very little evidence to suggest that women enjoy this type of power play). A financial dominatrix enjoys this game for the thrill of humiliating her money-slave, she does not need the money and she will say "no" to whomever displeases her--therein lies her power. There are 3 main reason why some subs enjoy financial domination: control, humiliation, and service. 

Financial Domination is able to exist and (actually become a fetish or desire for some) because of certain Universal Rules of Life (UROL) for men, unchanged by feminism:

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My Brushstrokes: Whip Marks Proudly Displayed by My Subjects

This post is quite personal for it is the first set of photos of My "whip art" featuring marks from intense impact play with a few of My dearest and closest subs. Pain--they endured it for Me. Trust--they placed in Me. Power--they gave it to Me.

They were naked, vulnerable, brave, aroused, and at times in tears. Whether or not I was truly worthy of their submission is for them to decide. On their body is the manifestation of My sadism, My relief from being "nice and civilized", and--oddly--My affection for them. By laying down to bear My whip they offer proof that I am indeed alive, that I do indeed house inside of Me all the passion, rage, cruelty, and compassion of an emotional and flawed being. Every thunderous crack of the whip brings Me closer to the center of the present moment. I am in "Dom-space".

How burdensome it is for Me at times to exchange perfunctory niceties everyday, smiling and nodding in the company of strangers and acquaintances. How taxing it can be for Me to ask people about their routined lives when I really want to ask about who they are and for what do they live. How disappointing it is when My lexicon fails to supply the words required to express exactly how I feel. But when I hold a whip and its tail end makes contact with another person's skin, they scream in exquisite agony and look at Me with such desire and awe that I finally feel I am engaging with someone's soul. They are not tied up so they are not forced into receiving pain. They offer themselves willingly, knowing they will suffer but wanting to give Me My joy. This, to Me, is true submission. Complete and willing surrender of body and mind. 

There are a few moments in life when I truly sense that I am seeing someone. An intense whipping is one of those moments. This seeming insanity actually balances out the real chaos in our lives. What else is there to hide? What else is there to say? Nothing! Because My thoughts and My actions are unified for that rare moment. Action has a cleansing effect, or as Oscar Wilde's character Lord Henry said from The Picture of Dorian Gray, " The body sins once, and has done with its sin, for action is a mode of purification. . . . Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself." 

With their full consent, below are photos of My sadistic soul in blood-red. Thank you, My humble subjects, for allowing Me to express this beastly, natural part of Myself.

"The impulses of nature are what give authenticity to life." - Joseph Campbell

A Cuckold Expert Explains it All

My dear readers, it is my pleasure to publish my latest interview with “The Cuckold Consultant”, an expert on advising men on how to create satisfying, exciting relationships of sweet betrayal and exquisite jealousy with their wives/girlfriends. I have written but one essay about the mind of the cuckold submissive, and I must admit that it barely scratched the surface of this richly complex form of psychological masochism. Surprised and humbled I was that Dr. 36, whose Cuckold Consulting website aims to unlock the secret to persuading women to enjoy a sexually fulfilling cuckold relationship with their men, found my article (and my website) intriguing enough to interview me for his Articles page (visit here to read the interview). I, being the curious cat that I am, could not resist the temptation to interview him in kind to pick his brain. 

Dr. 36 demonstrated exceptional depth in his understanding of human psychology, weaving elements of both the male and female brain to explain cuckoldry as a sexual and evolutionary force. Combining universal persuasion techniques and years of experience as a fulfilled cuckold himself, Dr. 36 built his practice so as to help men achieve the relationship model of their dreams. I was enthralled to engage with him and learn from him, thus expanding my own knowledge and fascination. 

Cuckoldry is that unique D/s relationship that requires an immense amount of trust and vulnerability to openly explore fear and jealousy—and we all know emotions are the most dangerous toys in BDSM. How does one explore this safely with a loved one without causing harm to the relationship? How does one even introduce this topic to one’s partner? Why is this so pleasurable? How can a man wish to see his woman with another man? With thoughtfulness, erudition, and a razor-sharp mind, Dr. 36 answers those questions below (well, as much as he can spare without giving it all away!).

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