Interview with SEA, a BDSM Educator and Lifestyle Submissive

In order to continuously advance my knowledge and craft as a Female Dominant, I attend numerous classes and workshops at BDSM conferences across the country and the globe. Last fall, I attended DomCon 2018 in New Orleans and it was there that I met Sea, a presenter at the convention. It was during Sea's class "The PhD to Understanding Submissives" that I was for the first time genuinely impressed by an educator's keen insight into the psychology of submission. Sea possessed a natural flair for teaching, an uncanny ability to present BDSM theories and ideas in a clear and concise manner, and of course he conducted his class with light humor and a humble demeanor. A lifestyle submissive with a wealth of experiences in serving Dominant Women for many years, and a presenter/educator at conferences across the country, I simply had to poke Sea's brain by requesting a written interview with him.

To learn more about Sea, visit his Felife page here.

And so, without further ado...

1) Why do you take pleasure in assuming the submissive role in the dance of power exchange? How does it make your feel? What is it about this exchange that motivates and elevates you?

I have been drawn to submission since my earliest memories. Mainstream films and stories that had female dominance appealed to me. I would watch or read them with great interest, and replay particular scenes through my mind. I often wanted to be in the shoes of those who were under the power of those women.

Simply put, I take pleasure in submission because it makes me feel good.

Sometimes that feeling is similar to the type of gratification you get when you express love for someone. Sometimes it is similar to the feeling of peace and purpose when you devote yourself to a cause. Sometimes it is the gratification of knowing you have done a job well. Sometimes it is an arousal--a sexual arousal, or a sense of wow in the mind.

I think submission brings me different types of gratification: spiritual (to devote self, to form connections, to achieve an altered, trance-like state of mind), social (to form social bonds, to love and be loved), masochistic (to feel gratification in being subordinate to a chosen person or suffer for or at hands of someone), and more.

Read More

Interview with Journalist/Author Lindsay Goldwert

I had the pleasure of interviewing razor-sharp minded, playfully charming, and wordsmith extraordinaire Lindsay Goldwert. Ms. Goldwert is a long-time finance and career writer, podcaster, & journalist who has written for publications including Fast Company, Slate, The Atlantic and many more. Her next big footprint to leave behind is a book she is writing for Simon & Schuster to be titled Bow Down: Lessons from Dominatrixes On How to Get Everything You Want. To my humbled surprise, Ms. Goldwert contacted me to request an in-person interview as part of her research. I shan't dive into what we discussed during our sunny afternoon at my New York apartment over the weekend but let's just say I was quite grateful to have met this incredibly intelligent and warm-hearted individual. 

Without skipping a beat, I simply had to 'interview her back' so she can also tell me her story, her reasons for writing this book, and how she perceives the world of kink as a woman and a writer. And writers, as we know, sometimes look at the world from the other side of a glass wall, taking notes and observing the quirks of what we often pass off as 'normal'.

And so, without further ado...

1) Will you please tell me more about your latest research for your book on female domination and empowerment for women? 

My book is called Bow Down: Lessons from Dominatrixes On How to Get Everything You Want. It's a guide for women who are looking to gain confidence, speak with authority, and communicate their hearts and minds both in and out of the bedroom. I've been interviewing amazing Dommes and kink-friendly sex therapists and really overwhelmed by the amazing insights and ways that the ethos of kink really does translate to everyday life.

Read More

The Psychology of Financial Domination

Financial Domination is that rare BDSM fantasy that, from the outside world of “vanilla heteronormativity”, is baffling to the mind; and from the point of view of the professional dominatrix, too good to be true. Throughout the years I have trained 'money slaves' of various breeds and it is only now that I feel I am experienced enough to deconstruct for you the mind of a financial submissive. 

What is financial domination (FinDom)? First, I will clarify what is NOT financial domination: it is NOT an unethical exploitation of a male sub, it is NOT an easy way for women to advertise online as financial dominatrices as a get-rich-quick scheme by using men, it is NOT a woman who makes a career out of asking men to subsidize all her living expenses, it is NOT woman who only wants to be spoiled with money or gifts -- and nothing else -- from men (a financial dominatrix is not to be confused with a 'sugar baby'). A woman who falsely poses as a findom Mistress because she needs the money possesses zero power in this game. 

My definition is as follows: Financial Domination is a sexually arousing GAME of power-play whereby psychological pleasure is experienced as a result of the humiliation from giving up one's monetary assets to another. The FinDom fantasy exists in predominantly MALE subs (there is very little evidence to suggest that women enjoy this type of power play). A financial dominatrix enjoys this game for the thrill of humiliating her money-slave, she does not need the money and she will say "no" to whomever displeases her--therein lies her power. There are 3 main reason why some subs enjoy financial domination: control, humiliation, and service. 

Financial Domination is able to exist and (actually become a fetish or desire for some) because of certain Universal Rules of Life (UROL) for men, unchanged by feminism:

Read More

My Brushstrokes: Whip Marks Proudly Displayed by My Subjects

This post is quite personal for it is the first set of photos of My "whip art" featuring marks from intense impact play with a few of My dearest and closest subs. Pain--they endured it for Me. Trust--they placed in Me. Power--they gave it to Me.

They were naked, vulnerable, brave, aroused, and at times in tears. Whether or not I was truly worthy of their submission is for them to decide. On their body is the manifestation of My sadism, My relief from being "nice and civilized", and--oddly--My affection for them. By laying down to bear My whip they offer proof that I am indeed alive, that I do indeed house inside of Me all the passion, rage, cruelty, and compassion of an emotional and flawed being. Every thunderous crack of the whip brings Me closer to the center of the present moment. I am in "Dom-space".

How burdensome it is for Me at times to exchange perfunctory niceties everyday, smiling and nodding in the company of strangers and acquaintances. How taxing it can be for Me to ask people about their routined lives when I really want to ask about who they are and for what do they live. How disappointing it is when My lexicon fails to supply the words required to express exactly how I feel. But when I hold a whip and its tail end makes contact with another person's skin, they scream in exquisite agony and look at Me with such desire and awe that I finally feel I am engaging with someone's soul. They are not tied up so they are not forced into receiving pain. They offer themselves willingly, knowing they will suffer but wanting to give Me My joy. This, to Me, is true submission. Complete and willing surrender of body and mind. 

There are a few moments in life when I truly sense that I am seeing someone. An intense whipping is one of those moments. This seeming insanity actually balances out the real chaos in our lives. What else is there to hide? What else is there to say? Nothing! Because My thoughts and My actions are unified for that rare moment. Action has a cleansing effect, or as Oscar Wilde's character Lord Henry said from The Picture of Dorian Gray, " The body sins once, and has done with its sin, for action is a mode of purification. . . . Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself." 

With their full consent, below are photos of My sadistic soul in blood-red. Thank you, My humble subjects, for allowing Me to express this beastly, natural part of Myself.

"The impulses of nature are what give authenticity to life." - Joseph Campbell