The Sadism Inside Me: The Case for Cruelty

"Man is wolf to man." - Plautus, Asinaria II 

Being a disciplinarian, for Me, has always been one of the more fascinating means by which to correct or punish a slave's behavior. As a Mistress I employ various forms of physical and psychological training to re-educate and re-condition My subjects, however it is when a masochist kneels before Me that I feel a raw and nearly uninhibited sense of excitement as a human being. Even with the understanding that any such training is always consensual, the very act of inflicting pain on My slave's body and watching him writhe in agony gives Me a strangely primal sense of satisfaction. In fact, the more a slave cries out upon impact from My instrument of torture, the more I want to continue My path of darkness just so I can hear him scream and beg for mercy. The only thing that tempers My instinct to destroy the individual in front of me is My compassion in understanding his need to feel My control. It is in these moments of sadism that My thinking, reasoning self diminishes, and a beast--an animal--within Me emerges, perhaps telling Me a story about My innate human nature that is older than civilization. 

Moments such as the one described force Me to question the origin of My sadism. I was certainly not taught to be a sadist. Whereas many aspects of BDSM assume a more cerebral approach, inflicting pain is purely instinctual. Why do I relish in causing someone to bruise and bleed? Is this urge inherently evil, or am I sampling a true taste of innate human aggression that our modern, civilized world has made taboo because we need each other to thrive and prosper?

(While I recognize that sadism has been labeled as a psychiatric disorder, I am choosing to re-interpret sadism on My own terms based on My belief of BDSM as a safe, healthy, and consensual way to explore sexuality and the various recesses of the mind.)

Sigmund Freud once wrote that civilization is built on the renunciation of powerful instincts for aggression, cruelty, and destruction. Our lives are now dictated by cleanliness, order, and regulation so that our intellect can give birth to scientific and artistic achievements. The savagery of man was replaced by cooperation within a community, and in our children we instill moral codes so they can distinguish the difference between 'right' and 'wrong'. We bathe ourselves in a sea of goodness, denouncing and punishing evil and violence. But what if sadism is a by-product of aggression? What if the satisfaction I feel when exercising My sadism is a natural part of My evolutionary wiring and I am consciously practicing it in safe, contained spaces without stifling the beast that needs to be let out of the cage? Even more, why am I aroused by My sadistic nature?

According to Edward O. Wilson, author of On Human Nature, aggression in any given species is an ill-defined array of various responses with separate controls in the nervous system. Several categories can be distinguished: the defense and conquest of territory, the assertion of dominance within a group, sexual aggression, aggression against prey and defense against predators, and disciplinary aggression to enforce the rules of any given group. In other words, aggression ensures our survival. Therefore, it can be argued that our instinct for violence is--or at least was--a necessary one.

I will take it a step further and say that aggressive behavior is not just necessary, but it is rewarding. A successful hunt or a skilled counterattack on a predator means that the pack will live another day--reward! When the predator (humans) begins to hunt, we will probably be more effective if we synchronize our behavior to that of our prey, breathing and moving as they do. When we are finally ready to strike, the adrenaline rushes through us, enabling us to catch our food. Here, the instinct to kill is now in perfect harmony with the instinct to live--the life of one depends on the death of the other. One's ability to dominate via destruction is instantaneously rewarded. Are we not the children of those who were faster, stronger, more resourceful, and more warlike than lesser human groups who perished as losers in the competition for food and sex? Complacent cultures are inevitably destroyed by more aggressive cultures, thus we are all descendants of warmongers.

If sadism is indeed a by-product of this necessary aggression, then the primal satisfaction I feel when inflicting pain at the expense of another can be justified. As the blood in My veins turns into venom, awakening its inner ancient animal, I feel the power growing inside of Me that whispers I will 'feed' and therefore I will live. The slave is My food and I will devour his mind and his body without mercy. I feel the deep-seated roots of human hierarchy with each crack of the whip, slap of the face, reinforcing My dominance over another -- turning Me on to no end.

I no longer view the slave in from of Me as human; he has been reduced to an object on which I can inflict My cruelty. He is now a body to be marked, toyed with, and carelessly disposed of when I am through. All of these thoughts pollute My mind when training a masochist, and My humanity is almost but a memory as I smile and laugh at what I have done during these heightened moments of ruthlessness. This way of thinking could not have been taught.

"Too much of the animal disfigures the civilized human being, too much culture makes a sick animal," writes Carl Jung. A popular stance posits that our modern world is occupied by 40,000-year-old brains as man struggles to reconcile his barbarism and lust with the demands of a highly controlled society.  He has come to know the exterior world but he remains largely ignorant of his own nature. Occasionally we experience moments of excess that stir us to the very roots of our being, allowing us to experience our pure elemental nature. The world that demands our self-regulation, our painful calculations, and our obedience to man-made laws simply fades into the background as the animal inside us releases us from the cages of civility and restraint. After we have unleashed our wild urges, we welcome each other back into the comfort and safety of society.

Sadism, if exercised without moral restraint, becomes a disorder. There are countless examples from human history in which sadism was epidemic to large groups or even nations, resulting in unspeakable atrocities. That sadism occurred on such a massive scale throughout our history suggests that we are wired for cruelty (as well as compassion), and we will display it when conditions allow or require us to do so--if not for pleasure then for power. If sadism as a result of necessary aggression is indeed an inevitable part of My nature as a human being, then My practice of Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism is My way of satisfying the animal in the most healthy manner possible. Everyone, both Myself and My masochistic slaves, revels in this ancient pleasure we have inherited from our ancestors.

***I DO NOT administer disciplinary action on all of My slaves. Any training involving corporeal punishment is always consensual. This essay only sheds light on ONE of the many dimensions of pleasure derived from being a Mistress. I always conduct a a session that is in keeping with a slave's physical and emotional capacity, employing methods appropriate for their level of experience and triggering their unique mental wiring, and it does not always involve disciplinary action.